Old Blog with an Odd Name, But it'll Do!

Hello Blog world, I expect no one to see this.. and yet, there is still that exciting feeling in my chest that these thoughts will no longer belong to me. Theoretically, my private experiences will now be accessible to the multitudes! Joy! Some would cringe at the thought, but I have always wanted others to see my soul, exposed... naked and transparent. When I say always... I do not lie, and yet I am not fully expressing the truth, which is the subject of this very post. The irony does not escape me.
As a young girl, I was so full of feeling and life and could not suppress my overwhelming impulse to share all that I felt. Yet, two enemies caused me to learn the art of suppression...
The first was my frustrating lack of ability to express myself verbally, half as well as with a pen and paper. Currently, I am striving hard to strengthen that form of expression as much as possible, but it still holds no candle to the easy flow of passion and precision that characterize my written thought process.
Secondly, I learned a common lesson: that not all people can be trusted to respond well and to sacredly guard such vulnerability.

Maturity and wisdom do help one to acquire what is known as prudence, a healthy level of space between the self and other selves, especially those less worthy of trust. I have neither maturity nor wisdom in great measure, and can safely say that these virtues were not the cause of my consequential reticence. The underlying culprit was the coward, pride!
Pride: the enemy of all honor, true dignity, bravery and of living a life worthy of being called such.

Only very recently was it revealed to me that pride, reticence, and any other term that accounts for keeping one's important feelings and thoughts within... all of these are horrible chains. To be honest is to taste freedom, to feel alive...like a river coursing down and through a mountain valley... honesty is power! Humility is too good for me, for the time being...and pride is beneath me.
This is my first post of the year, it is now late and so my rant must end...
No promises, non-existent audience..but I foresee this becoming a regular thing!

In Christ,
Abbie

So Blind.

Wake. Up. Call.
I haven't been on this blog for quite some time and, the last postings that I found were quite.. shocking. well, not too unexpected, but still.. I was a little bit ridiculous! I was inserting profanity anywhere i possibly could! haha, how immature. I was faced head on with how much pride, rebellion, and immaturity I had acquired. I know I was pretty bad, but MAN! I've been sitting in a prayer room thinking, "why do I feel like I have so much to deal with, why am I not moving forward?" and here is my answer. I'm still facing and debasing all of that anger and self-righteous stupidity. I can't expect months of sowing into that to just suddenly disappear from my heart. God showed me today as I cried out, "Lord, why can't you just increase my love for you right now 10 times as much as it already is?" He told me that he would give me a mile.. but that I would receive this "mile" of love inch by inch. centimeter by centimeter. day by freaking day! slowly. step by step. and all of these phrases are just expressing the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. I wished it to be easy, quick, and painless. Ha, I still do. But, i know that after He's worked this slow process in me, I will find that it was more than worth it. ;]

abbie.